Comment on cause of wrong relationships

Most people cannot find the right partner.

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People cannot understand how relationships with the opposite sex work for millennia. They do not know what to look at in the relationships and mix the concepts of "love" and "sex".

Sex is just a physical aspect of love, embedded in the human/animal body by Mother Nature. Sexual desire is triggered by the human body during the puberty period and lasts up to 65-70 years. Then the sexual drive goes away, the body is getting decrepit and the pure and a respectful form of “universal love” comes, but it has nothing to do with physical love, i.e. sex. Everything has its proper timing.

In ancient India, there was a distinction between different types of love - love for life and food, sexual love, love for glory and money, universal love (loving a flower like loving a child), love for creativity and self-expression... Our Universe is full of love, but it's a huge cold (about 3 degrees Kelvin) space.

In regard to sexual (physical) love: all people are different. There are quite a lot of ways women and men attract each other. There are those who pursue their sexual dream, and there are those who are pursued. There are sexually shy people. There are sexually brave ones. There are sexually preoccupied people and those who can only make sex with a friend. There are those who need to have a heart-to-heart talk first despite the sex usually is not possible after that. There are quick lovers and slow ones. There are lovers for one night. There are those who have several sexual partners simultaneously. All that are just different sexual strategies and they are not bad or good.

There is a saying that "women need to feel loved to have sex and a men need to have sex to feel loved". Everything is correct. This is a very old bargain between man and woman. The direct purpose of existence of women from Mother Nature’s point of view is to give birth to children. The main purpose of existence of a men is to raise these children to keep the humanity living. Therefore, when a man provides a living and protects the family he shows to the woman that he does not just want sex, but deserves it. He wants sensual pleasure for his work and risk. Therefore, a man shows his attitude, so a woman feels taken care of (which was called "loved" later) and agrees to make sex with a man, which is a sensual reward for his care. This has always been so and would always be like that as long as humans exist.


The whole idea of perfect relationship is very simple – you need to find a correct partner, a partner for life and not just for sex. Life is a broader concept than sex and it is about not just having instant pleasure, but mainly to live comfortably every day. You can have sex with practically everyone, but comfortable living is possible only with one or two persons in the whole world. These are your correct or appropriate partners.

Thus, the correct partner is the one who doesn’t annoy you in any circumstances and makes your living comfortable. Annoyance kills the relationship.

Young people usually start their relationship from a liking, then sex follows and only after a while they find out that they are unhappy in relationship. If you got into relationship with an incorrect partner you would have to pay a price for your ignorance (as well as for everything else in life).

It is better not to get into the wrong relationship for not being trapped there, i.e. it’s better to find the right partner from the very beginning (whenever you consider that beginning to be). There are lots of different potential partners hanging around, so the main question is how to distinguish the correct one. You need to know what to look at.

Any relationship (love, sex or friendship) is based on emotions. Every time you enter a relationship you go through the emotional cycle “joy — sadness — again joy — again sadness”. This cycle is created by your biochemistry and you can do nothing about it. Emotions are constant waves moving your mood up and down all the time. Everything is unclear in emotions especially in the beginning, so you need to clarify the relationship for yourself by watching it in time. It is easy to live together when everything is “good”, but how will your attitude change when everything is “bad”? Basically, you need to watch your partner and your attitude to him/her both in “good” and “bad” situations. Your partner should do the same. You can even step aside for a while to see whether it is better for you to be alone.

You may even get out of a relationship (take a pause) and let the time pass. Then you may come back and compare. The situation will become clearer for you in time, i.e. you will feel more joy or more pain your partner brings to you. If there is more pain, you have to get out of this relationship again for a while and watch your reaction. If you are not sure — go back again, stay in and leave the partner again if you feel uncomfortable.

Here usually a big problem (which is not really a problem) and fear arise — what if the partner will not allow me to come back?

Do not be afraid. If the partner doesn't need you, yes, this is emotionally uncomfortable, but clear relationship. And the most important thing here - if your partner doesn't need you, you don't need him/her as well because he/ she is not your correct partner. Love and respect yourself first. By stopping this relationship you lose nothing and free yourself to keep searching further.
By the way, your correct partner will invite you back. Even a few times.

Getting through every life experience together will bring the correct and full understanding of the partner. This is called the emotional clarity in the relationship and may take a few years to achieve, but time is not important comparing to making a correct decision. If after couple of years of testing nothing annoys much both of you, you have found your correct partner (which happens quite rarely especially at first time).

Most of people don't see this mechanism at work in their relationships, so they go through very painful experience time after time because the emotions really physically hurt.


P.S. Dear Reader! I am very much interested in your opinion on the subject of this article. Please, write a comment or ask a question if you want to clarify something.
Igor Chykalov
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