Comment on nature of relationships

The problem of relationships exists as long as humanity does. People have not figured it out so far.

The nature of any relationship, whether it is a relationship between man and woman, friends, parents and children or even between different countries, is basically an exchange of energy.


Energy is being exchanged at all times at all levels - the cells of our body do that through adenosine triphosphate (ATP), humans exchange energy via communication, sex or shopping, the planets of our Solar System - via neutrino stream, constantly coming from the Sun … Even the Big Bang and the birth of our Universe was a kind of energy exchange between the parts of the infinite and already existing by that time Cosmos...

In any relationship the exchange of energy must be of equal value, otherwise the relationship will cease. No participant should be out of his/her rightful share, and this is very subjective. Someone brings a lot of money into the relationship, and someone else creates a good atmosphere in a family. Who did contribute more? So there are no clear criteria here. After the interaction both partners should have a sense of a well done job and a worthy reward for it. This can be a simple "thank you" or a fancy car as a gift, it is important that it is done from the heart.

In addition, any relationship is emotional, and emotions can easily make a mountain out of a molehill and vice versa, which is why it is so difficult to try to make sense of other people's relationships. Each side is definitely right (in its own way). That's why contracts in business or marriage agreements, for example, are very useful. The parties involved in the relationship model in advance the situation of a possible breakup, divide responsibilities and determine the details at least in general. This is an element of sober estimation brought into the emotional environment of the relationship. A marriage of convenience can be good, if the estimation was correct and the needed convenience had been achieved.

So…


The correct or harmonious relationship with ANY partner is:
1. When a partner loves (cares just of) himself/herself and you love (take care just of) yourself. A small minus here (in case of man-woman relationship) is the lack of meaning in creating a family, having children and living together. You can just date time after time. It’s very healthy relationship.
2. When a partner loves you (does everything for you) and you do the same for him/her. This is an ideal relationship in the family (and very healthy for children). However, it is a rare case.

A wrong and needless relationship is:
1. Your partner loves (cares just of) himself/herself and you love (care of) both of you. This is a spoilt life for you and ultimately for your partner because these things are always interdependent.
2. You love (care just of) yourself and the partner loves (cares) about both of you. This is a spoilt life for the partner and for you, too.

So don't "dissolve" in your partner and don't suppress him/her. The partner is also an important part of your relationship and has to do the same, and thus this is a harmonious relationship.
Unfortunately, the opposite happens in life very often - one of the partners does not even notice that he/she is cared for more and just allows that. Another partner eventually sees that the partner does not deserve such devotion and a frustration comes. Then one partner begins to make over another one to fit his vision, but fails. Another partner cannot be changed. That is why many people suffer together for many years, the frustration becomes annoyance and they separate anyway. Here the exchange of the energy stops.


It is better to terminate wrong relationship because you take somebody else’s place in your partner’s life and he or she does the same.
However it is better not to enter into a wrong relationship at all, so that you do not need to divorce, split the assets, children, etc., but this is a very rare case. According to my observations about 80-90% of married couples live in the wrong relationship, which is why there are so many divorces in the world. Worst of all, innocent children suffer, but they are not asked.


Thus the question arises - what is the right relationship then and how to find it? This is simple, but not easy.

In a few words: the right relationship brings you mostly a pleasure. Another (very important) side of this coin is that your partner doesn't annoy you at all. Annoyance kills the relationship. That is why you must first find the right partner for you, and then get married and have children.

The secret is that there are no bad or good husbands/wives/friends/bosses. They just do not exist. There are wrong (inappropriate) ones. A lot of people "have chosen” one of them once.

It is also necessary not to rush with the choice. It is better to wait an extra couple of years to make sure you don't make a mistake. Your right partner will wait for you, and the wrong ones will move on. Unfortunately, people don't like to wait and don't know what to look at while choosing a partner. That's why 80-90% of couples are unhappy in their relationships.

Omar Khayyam - a Persian polymath, philosopher and poet once wrote (this is my translation from Russian translation, made from the Arabic original):
“To wisely live your life you need to know a lot.
There are two rules that no one is being taught:
You’d better fast than indiscriminately eat
And better be alone than with the inappropriate.”

I’ve heard that quatrain in my youth and it helped me a lot in my relationships. Don’t be afraid to be alone. It is really better than to be together with somebody who is “not right” for you. The wrong partner just drains the energy (money, time, nerves) from you.


New relationships start from the end of the old ones. Without leaving behind the needless relationship, you close your way not just to a new one but to unfolding of your full potential in life.